The Sirens: Totally Human [Season 3, Episode 1]

Let’s pretend for a moment, you’ve never watched a single episode of The Sirens, and have absolutely no idea what’s going on. Got it? Good. Because that’s where we are starting together. Launching head first into Season 3, Episode 1 and into the Yawning Portal (or at least attempting to repair it).

The Out-Of-Game recap:

Season 3 launches a new campaign for the party and, is a perfect time to jump in for people who are curious or haven’t heard about the show. An all-female Bard Band called the Sirens and their friends travel through through the realms while performing at night and adventuring during the day. If you’re a member of the Oregon Trail Generation then you might remember growing up to shows like Jem and the Holograms or the insanely awesome post-apocalyptic cult movie Six-String Samurai. Bards make the perfect excuse for a traveling party and single-class campaigns have serious potential for character growth and home-brew campaigns.

This mix of home-brew campaign and canon adventures is where the Sirens is set. They’ve been to the jungle islands of Chult in the past; choking on the stink of dinosaurs, destroying small paper birds, and getting into bar fights with rival bands. Yet in their journey the Sirens weren’t involved with the Tomb of Annihilation which is the reason most campaigns journey to Chult to begin with. What Satine had done, was lift the parts of the setting she wanted, and told a custom story. Wicked. Since that time they’ve been around the realms a few times and have grown to fame (or infamy) in the Bard community.

Every campaign and storyteller has house rules, and the Sirens is no different. Each house rule for this campaign is focused on keeping the pace moving quickly—they are on TV after all.

  • If you drop a dice, you get disadvantage on your next roll.

  • If Satine drops a dice, she will also take disadvantage on her roll.

  • You can’t cast a spell unless you have it in front of you. If you can’t say it, you can’t cast it.

  • When you roll to attack, roll your damage at the same time to speed up the process.

  • If a rule is forgotten and you can’t find it within ONE minute; everyone moves on. It’s a pretend game with friends and on TV it’s better to be quick like bunnies.

(As an aside, I’m officially on a quest to find moments when people drop their dice and take disadvantage on this show. That house rule is amazing.)

Art by Satine Phoenix

Art by Satine Phoenix

The Story Thus Far:

The Siren Sisters have uncovered a beauty product pyramid scheme. A simple scheme of grinding up exotic creatures and bottling them up with a high price tag. Selling these snake-oil elixirs that promised immortality and rejuvenation to nobles in nearby cities, Rock the Rakshasha and Kalishta the Evil Lamia were making a fortune. Making a fortune that is, until the Sirens blew their enterprise to smithereens (literally with explosives and spells) before exiting to stage left to Water Deep.

Unfortunately for poor Rock and Kalishta, they’ve lost a lifetimes work of product and had their legitimate enterprise spoiled. They did earn enough to keep their employees The Emerald Cabal well-paid, and sent them after the Sirens for retribution—forcing the Sirens into the Underdark for survival. They barely made it out alive, and into safe haven of a noble Tabaxi fan of theirs. Time marched on, and eventually the Sirens landed a paying gig (their first in a bit), and set up stage.

When you’re wanted, advertising your location makes it easy to find you. Fame, after-all, is a double sided sword. Rock and Kalishta show up to their performance and mete out vengeance upon them. Fleeing through the streets, the unemployed duo chase the Sirens until their band manager Vlahnya intervenes—standing her ground so the Sirens could flee through the Yawning portal. Even if it met her own demise.

Two months have passed.

While searching for clues in their band managers office, the City Watch of Waterdeep arrives and arrests the Sirens. Charging them with the destruction of the Yawning Portal, a historic landmark (unfortunately, they couldn’t be charged for ending The Emerald Cabals beauty enterprise…). Captain Whitefire, took pity on his favorite band and let the Sirens perform community service rather than spend time in jail. Their task is to fix the Yawning Portal that they totally one-hundred percent destroyed. So each and every day, the Bards must attend the local collage and search for clues to repair the portal.

Life for the Sirens, has begun to settle down and become routine. Perhaps their days of adventuring are behind them… but that wouldn’t be a very exciting start to a new campaign would it? The party must still keep themselves hidden from The Emerald Cabal, and on their return to work that day—doors meant to be locked are strangely cracked open and covered with singed marks. Inside the Bard college, trophies and awards are smashed and destroyed as the college is burglarized by an unknown entity…

Will The Sirens make it through Season 3? Will The Emerald Cabal get the justice they deserve? Let us know what you think!